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Where the Heart Is
By Marie Ottiker
What does living abroad mean to most of us? If we decide to leave our native country for the first time, drawn by employment, love, vocation or duty, we bundle up the accumulated memories of our past life, and set out. We take with us a mental picture of ourselves, of our selfsame true selves, certain that we will merely project this image onto a different background. In our minds we will, of course, always be our rightful selves, unchanged, no matter where we might be.
It's not that simple. We never fully realize till much later that the differences are going to be not only external, but that the very air we breath will be another, that exposure to the new things to see, to feel and to profit from in the new country, will in the long run influence not only our outlook on life but on who we think we are.
Being uprooted and set down in a foreign environment can be daunting and disconcerting. Some people find it too difficult to sever the ties, so they will fight the new surroundings. They will not bother to enlarge their horizon by taking an interest in another people and their ways, history or origins. They will consort only with other expatriates. They will rail against customs and habits that conflict with their upbringing “back home.” Fitting in is not an option.
Unless there is this deliberate rejection, the new way of life pressing around us will seep into our subconscious bit by bit, like it or not. We will begin to adopt one local custom here, another there, because our friends do it, or because it makes sense “for this country.” Business and social contacts with the “natives” will produce mutual understanding and some very fine friendships. We may even surprise ourselves by suddenly agreeing with something we would never have even considered in the past.
Given time, life in this same place that seemed so alien and disconcerting begins to feel congenial - almost like home. We might as well ask, where is home? The old saying of “home is where the heart is” does not necessarily apply. For if after a number of years in a foreign country, we feel integrated and at ease, it must be that we have made a partial heart transplant. And this is bound to be a very good thing for the evolution and enrichment of our selfsame true selves.
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