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Odds & Ends
High Tech Retirement
By Jim Plunkett

Despite the years and the fact I am now supposed to be enjoying retirement, I still feel obliged to keep up with the changing times and the latest technology.

I couldn't believe it, but recently I ran into an old friend about my age who had the guts to tell me he doesn't own a computer. He has seen them, is fully aware of them, and his kids and grandchildren have them. Not only that, but he went as far to tell me they had no cable TV, and had refused a gift from his family of a DVD. When I asked him how he and his wife survive, he said they actually have conversations before, during, and after meals, read the local paper most days, and even go to the movies once in a while. He said they actually read books for entertainment, and occasionally meet with friends over an inexpensive meal.

Well, you can imagine my astonishment to find someone my age, retired, trying to enjoy his green pasture years without a computer, Internet, DVD, cable TV, a camcorder, and a digital cel phone with a built-in touch pad! He even confessed he and his spouse still write letters by hand with a pen and send them to friends and relatives through the post office. I had everything I could do to avoid laughing or cringing for fear I might lose a friend. Talk about the epitome of boredom; this is complete disrespect for technological progress and not keeping up with the Joneses!

I, on the other hand, have a few things I could show this old codger and perhaps take him out of his misery.

Despite my seeming retirement from mundane business activities and multiple social functions that contribute to my personal prestige and ego, as well as the dozens of organizations that undoubtedly benefit in one way or another from my valuable participation, I feel compelled to stay on top of the latest technology and spend long hours reading through voluminous manuals and Internet instructions on how to get the most out of all the latest gadgets.

I have a Pentium IV computer with a bunch of gigabytes and a very hard disk that supposedly will help me store all this wisdom and knowledge I need on a daily basis to keep up with the “boys.” My internet connection is a Super Speedy with 600 Kbps, and they tell me that for only $200 more a month, I can download information in milliseconds without having to leave my computer, while also making cel calls and enjoying a snack.

As to the convenience of the computer, I am able to write letters and reports for the many civic activities that I still maintain. They don't pay anything, but they sure help me keep up on the local scandals. For years I used to prepare letters on a typewriter. The last one I had was electric and had an eraser device that saved my life. With my computer and Bill Gates' Word, I can now hit the backspace bar as well as perform a series of tricks that would make my old typewriter green with envy.

Correspondence? I have renewed contact with relatives, friends, and acquaintances I haven't heard from for years, and I can even have daily conversations with them on a chat line. When I was an active ham radio operator, I would have to set a time and a frequency with a fellow ham in another country and pray for a phone patch to talk to a relative or friend, but now I just turn on the computer at a prescribed time and off we go. For those who don't want to set up a schedule, I just send them e-mails until they answer me.

There is never a dull moment. I normally receive 50 to 70 e-mails a day and spend a half hour erasing spam and blocking undesired messages, like the bunch of Europeans trying to sell me Viagra that I really don't want at this point. With the time I require for my computer, I wouldn't have time for it anyway.

In addition to the opportunity of keeping abreast of all the latest off-coloured jokes, I manage to receive opinions on George W's justification for going into Iraq, NASA space flight shots, TV bloopers, aftermath scenes from hurricane Katrina, Rita, Wilma, and lots of invitations to new restaurants. In Lima we also enjoy an “Expat List” subscription service that keeps all the English-speaking gringos in contact and enable us to find everything from efficiency apartments to vets that can trim toenails on toy terriers.

Talking about cel phones, I still don't know how this friend lives without one. I start getting calls early in the morning, and am usually afraid to shut it off since a call might come in from just about anywhere that might be important. This is without a doubt one of the greatest little gadgets to come out yet. I can be about to hit a golf ball or be in the middle of a serious meeting and it is always there for me with a melodious tone to summon me. If I am in church or the movies, I have even learned how to put it on “vibrate,” which is not such a bad experience after all! My latest one has a digital camera, and sometimes when I don't erase shots of those cute girls in the park, my wife gets angry and even hides my new toy for awhile.

As far as home entertainment is concerned, I haven't had to pick up a magazine or a book for ages, let alone the daily newspaper. With cable TV, we are able to get national and international news. If I get up by 7, I can catch a re-hash of a local controversial commentators program that was on the night before when I was watching a movie, and then start switching through the local channels to see the earthquake relief efforts in Pakistan, Condoleezza Rice paying an unexpected visit to the troops in a remote, friendly village in Iraq, and the latest on how Fujimori plans on getting back to his safe refuge in Tokyo.

When I´m not on the computer or following international news, I have the option of watching Animal Planet, the History Channel, E Channel with some of those wild, swinger parties in Cancun, or even the religious channel to see Sister Mary reciting the rosary. Talk about variety. During a bad programming space, and if I can find the right remote control, I can switch on the DVD or review some of my old home videos that no one else is interested in seeing. Talk about enjoying retirement!

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